Marik & Bakura are EVIL Schoolgirls!
by Sickofwriting
Summary: Marik's latest evil plan which involves getting him and Bakura into schoolgirl uniforms is detailed in this shameless Yugioh parody. Thiefshipping (Marik/Bakura).
1. Chapter 1

**Ore-Sama: So, since people loved my last fanfic so much, I shall do more romantic parody based on random lines that popped into my head. Anyways, the lines this time are "Bakura, everyone can see your panties!" and "Marik, I'm wearing boxers, not panties." I personally think that my other story was funnier, but at least when I read through this one, I don't cringe at the jokes I forgot to make! Also, part of the dialogue has been shamelessly ripped out of YGOTAS Sails Away, which you should listen to. I will mark it in italics so that it is extremely obvious**

**Warning: Cross-dressing, bad referential humour, implied yaoi, and straight-up shonen-ai.**

**Disclaimer: Attention readers! My hair wishes for you to know that I do not own Yugioh! Even if I did, I would still write fanfic, just to mess with people, though.**

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**Somewhere_ in Egypt..._**  
"Bakura! I have thought of the most evil plan!" A certain effeminate villain cried.  
"Marik, I'm not taking another plane ride to Japan just to rearrange the Pharaoh's sock drawer!" A certain fluffy villain responded.  
"No, what I have planned this time is much more evil and scandalous! You see, there are very few actual female characters in Yugioh, and even less female characters that anybody actually likes! So, we should dress as girls to get close to the Pharaoh, and then we will steal his Millennium Puzzle! It's GENIUS!" Marik proclaimed, cackling at how evil his plan was.  
"Marik, I'm not dressing like a bloody girl!" Bakura protested.  
_"What if I gave you a dollar?"_  
_"No._  
_"Two dollars?"_  
_"No._  
_"What if I made you president of the Evil Council?"_  
_"No."_  
_"What if I made you president of the world?"_  
_"No."_  
_"What if I stopped calling you 'Fluffy'?"_  
_"No."_  
_"What if I gave you my Millennium Rod?"_  
_"No."_  
_"What if I killed Yugi?"_  
_"Tempting, but no."_  
_"What if I told you I loved you?"_  
_"N-what?"_  
"Ha! Like I would ever say anything like that! I'm 100% straight after all. But Bakura, I know your weakness! You see, I read every volume of the Yugioh manga from cover to cover, so I know that you need all of the Millennium Items so that you can play an unnecessarily complicated board game, and if you don't join in my plan, I will never give you my Millennium Rod!" Marik smirked. He knew that between his statement and the hypnotic suggestions by fangirls numbering over 9000, there was no way Bakura could possibly not participate.  
"Did you even listen to what I said? Marik. I. Am. Not. Dressing. Like. A. Bloody. GIRL!"  
"Even if you got to see up my skirt?" Marik played his last card.  
"N-what?"  
"Come on, Fluffy, you know you want to!"  
"Ugh. Fine. Not like I had anything better to do today..." Bakura sighed, defeated. Little did he know that the real reason for his defeat was the chanting of all the thiefshipping fangirls...

"So, Bakura, what do you think we should dress as? I was thinking Sailor Moon, since that's such a classic, but we could also do Cardcaptor Sakura cosplay!" Marik asked Bakura.  
"Marik, I don't bloody care!" Bakura replied. Whatever they dressed as, the result would be the same. Bakura's pride would be crushed no matter what, so the only thing he hadn't given up on caring about was the length of Marik's skirt. He would prefer for Marik to wear as short of a skirt as possible without having to worry about people seeing up Marik's skirt. It wasn't jealousy that made him not want people to see up Marik's skirt, no sir. It was merely that their evil plan would be completely ruined if anyone saw under Marik's skirt. That was all, or at least that's what Bakura tried to tell himself.  
"Or maybe we should try to pass as students at Yugi's school! Yes, it's foolproof!"  
"If it's foolproof, then how did you come up with it?" Bakura joked.  
"I don't ge-oh! That wasn't very nice, Fluffy!" Marik attempted to retort.  
"Your point?"  
"Alright, let's order cosplay!" Marik proclaimed cheerfully. Bakura smirked, knowing that he had just won.

The ride back to Japan was long and dull. Unlike in many fanfic, Bakura didn't even have any bratty screaming children to terrorize, he only had some eye candy in the form of Marik Ishtar. Considering that Marik was wearing the same outfit as always, staring didn't stay entertaining for very long.  
Bakura heaved a sigh of relief when the plane finally touched down in Japan.  
"So how, pray tell, are we going to get around?" Bakura asked Marik after they got off of the plane.  
"Simple! I had Steve and Steve deliver my motorcycle here!" Marik said.  
"I must say, I'm rather impressed. You actually thought things through for once. Good job!" Bakura mocked Marik.  
"Are you kidding me? All of my plans are brilliantly flawless! The only reason Yugi ever wins is because he has the main character advantage, which allows him wins that completely defy logic, and often involve plot device cards!"  
"Yes, I'm sure that's the ONLY reason you ever lose." Bakura retorted.  
"It is! It really is!"  
"Whatever. Let's just head out to the bloody hideout."

After yet another shameless fanservice scene in which Marik rides a motorcycle with Bakura sitting behind him, his chest rubbing against Marik's back, his crotch right up against Marik's sexy bottom, his arms around Marik's exposed midriff, the two arrived at their evil hideout of doom.  
"Alright, Bakura, I'm going to go buy some ice." Marik said, leaving.  
"This is the perfect chance!" Bakura thought out loud. He went over to the bookshelf, and looked through all of the books.  
"Marik's yaoi collection, horror novels... Aha! Here it is! Marik's dictionary!" Bakura cackled. He opened it, and looked through the entries.  
"Sex... Sexuality... Hahah! Here it is! Sexy..." Bakura looked at the illustration right next to the dictionary entry for sexy, and dropped the dictionary in surprise. Marik's butt was there, in all of its glory- and it was naked. Bakura's nose spurted blood, and he felt his consciousness slipping away.

_"A gathering of angels appeared above my head..."_ Marik sung as he arrived home, with two bags filled with ice in hand.  
"Bakura? Why are you passed out on the ground with a bloody nose?" Marik asked. Bakura didn't respond, so Marik decided to deal with getting the ice into the fridge before attempting to revive his unconscious literal partner in crime. He then proceeded to whisper into Bakura's ear "Fluffy, the Pharaoh's here, and he wants to tell you that Florence is the manliest name ever."  
"Huh!? What!?" Bakura cried, his eyes snapping open.  
"I knew that would wake you up! Now, come Bakura, we need to get changed so that we can steal the Pharoah's Millennium Puzzle!"  
Bakura groaned. He had hoped in the back of his head that Marik would forget about his plan, unrealistic as it was. Marik grabbed the uniforms out of his bag, and handed one of them to Bakura. Marik started stripping, catching Bakura off guard.  
"Fluffy, you're drooling." Marik stated, snapping Bakura out of his stupor.  
"N-no I bloody well wasn't!" Bakura protested.  
"Whatever, just get into the uniform!" Marik commanded.  
"Yeah, yeah..." Bakura replied, and began stripping. He pulled on the uniform, all while keeping an eye or three on Marik.  
"Alright, let's go!" Marik proclaimed.

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**Ore-Sama: That's all for today, ladies and gentlemen! Please review this shameless parody of mine. And please read my other story if you haven't already- It's called The Happiest Day of Seto Kaiba's Life. It is much funnier than this story. But don't allow any puppies near that fanfic! Also, if you are uncomfortable with the concept of "reviewing" (as I was when I first started reading fanfic on this site) just think of it as leaving a comment!I should have the second chapter up by the end of Monday.  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**Ore-Sama: Thank you to everyone who is reading this! I love you people! I especially love people who review my stories (it brings a smile to my face! It really does.) Also, I will be accepting requests, so PM me if you want me to write something, as long as it's nothing overly serious. Blood and violence are okay, but I can't take anything seriously, so be warned!**

**Warning: Cross-dressing, m/m love, and shamelessness! Also, use of the word "cock" to mean rooster.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Yugioh! I do own some cards, though!**

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"Hahah! We have successfully infiltrated Yugi's school! Success!" Marik cried, pumping his fist in victory. Bakura tuned out the sound of Marik's voice, choosing to lay down in the branches of a nearby tree.  
"Hey, Bakura?" Marik said, but Bakura wasn't listening.  
"Bakura? Bakura! 'Kura? Fluffy? Florence? Limey?" Marik tried to get Bakura' s attention, but to no avail, so he climbed up and yelled in Bakura's ear, "BAKURA, ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME!?"  
"OWW!" Bakura cried out, "Bloody hell, Marik, what is it that's so important!?"  
"Bakura, when you sit like that, everyone can see your panties!"  
"Marik, I'm wearing boxers, not panties." Bakura responded.  
"But we're supposed to be acting like girls, so we should say 'panties'!" Marik protested.  
"Marik?"  
"What?'  
"Shut up."  
"But Bakura!"  
"No, just shut up for one minute. Seriously!"  
"Fine, be that way..." Marik grumbled.

"Hey Bakura, look! It's the twerps!" Marik suddenly announced.  
"Marik, you ruined what little shame this bloody fanfic had left. Good job!" Bakura grinned, giving Marik a thumb up. The two then jumped out of the tree, before our heroes could see them, and what was underneath their skirts.  
"Oh, are you two new students?" Yugi asked, completely oblivious of the disguises.  
"Wh-why yes! I'm Namu, and this is my best friend Kira!" Marik giggled in a surprisingly good imitation of a girl's voice.  
"Kira, huh... That sounds familiar..." Tea muttered.  
"Well, it's a common name, that's all!" Marik hurriedly attempted to quiet her suspicions.  
"Oh wow! That's such a pretty necklace!" Bakura said in his best attempt at a girl's voice. Surprisingly, nobody questioned his horrible voice.  
"Thanks..." Yugi said, blushing at the attention from such a pretty girl. Tea noticed this, but she didn't really care. She preferred Yugi's sexy alter ego to the real Yugi.  
"It really is..." Marik played along, "Can I see it?"  
"Sure, but please give it back!" Yugi asked of the two mysterious girls, then he presented his millenium puzzle to Marik.  
"Ahahahahahahah! Now there is nothing you can do to stop me, Pharaoh!" Marik laughed.  
"That voice!" Yugi cried in realization.  
"Prepare for trouble!" Marik started the famous dialogue.  
"Make it double!"  
"To protect the world from devastation!"  
"To unite all peoples within our nation!"  
"To denounce the evils of truth and love!"  
"To extend our reach to the stars above!"  
"Marik!"  
"Florence!"  
"Team Thiefshipping, blasting off at the speed of light!"  
"Surrender now or prepare to fight fight fight!"  
"There's no Meowth to say 'That's right!'"  
"Team Thiefshipping!" Tea stated the obvious.  
"That's right, honey, and now we have Yugi's Millennium Puzzle! Now nothing can stop us!" Marik laughed as maniacally as he could, which was pretty maniacal.  
"Not if we can help it! Go... Oh... Um, wanna play a tedious children's card game with super-advanced holograms?" Yugi asked meekly.  
"How about no?" Bakura laughed.  
"Fine! Go, Dark Magician Girl! Use jiggle attack!" Yugi commanded, sending out the fan favorite.  
"Giant Yellow Chicken, use inappropriate references!" Marik cried, sending out the Giant Yellow Chicken.  
"The Chinese Phoenix is a giant red cock!" The Giant Yellow Chicken bellowed.  
"Jiggle jiggle!" The Dark Magician Girl cried, then she passed out.  
"Grr... Alright then, go Kuriboh!" Yugi cried as Kuriboh appeared in front of him.  
"Please, what can a bloody Kuriboh do?" Bakura laughed at Yugi's main character-advantage fueled decision.  
"Kuriboh, use plot device attack!" Yugi commanded the hairy ball.  
"Do the lalalalalalalalalalala!" Kuriboh shrieked as it unleashed its ultimate move, sending Marik, Bakura, and the Giant Yellow Chicken into the sky.  
"We're blasting off agaaaaaain!" Marik and Bakura cried shamelessly.  
"Hah! That's not even Kuriboh's final form!" Yugi laughed, retrieving his Millenium Puzzle.

"Bloody hell! I knew this was a bad idea..." Bakura groaned, rubbing his backside.  
"Hey, Bakura?" Marik asked timidly.  
"What?" Bakura glared. Marik pulled the edge of his skirt all the way up, revealing his purple thong. Bakura gulped and felt his mouth grow dry.  
"W-what? Why the bloody hell are you doing this?" Bakura asked, staring at the bulging area inside Marik's thong.  
"Well, I did promise the fangirls I'd let you see under my skirt, so there you go!" Marik said, lowering the skirt back down. Bakura stood up, and walked over to Marik, giving him a kiss on the cheek.  
"Marik... I love you..."  
"What the hell, Fluffy? Don't tell me the fangirls have infected you!" Marik cried, stumbling backwards in shock.  
"Don't play dumb Marik. I've seen your yaoi collection. I know that you want this deep down. I won't even say 'secretly' because it's no secret."  
"'Kura..." Marik sighed, allowing Bakura to capture his lips.

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**Ore-sama: Dawwwww! Yay for cute fluffy endings! Anyways, the Chinese Phoenix joke, if you didn't get it is that the Chinese Vermillion Phoenix is basically a giant red rooster, which can also be phrased as 'giant red cock'. Wow, this chapter is much better than the last... Phew. And it's more shameless! Please review! Even just a simple "ROFLSHIAD (Rolling On the Floor Laughing So Hard I Almost Died) will make my day, and will make me pump out more comedy faster! And to all of you people who didn't review the last chapter, please review it! I require reviews to stay alive and functioning!**


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